Friday, November 25, 2011
It has been so long, i know.
It's just that I need to go through something that I didn't think i will have to so soon. I couldn't start doing anything like posting, talking about this because I couldn't help missing when I start. I tried to sit down remembering how I got here, and I will end up crying so hard and fell asleep in tears. So I couldn't, and I don't want to. It's not like it hurts, is just that I really miss.
I'm not sad, not in pain, just miss.
We don't cry, don't hide in the closet, like this is some sort of agony or grief. It's not.
We took it peacefully, like everyone was expecting it.
We even have fun and we still smile and laugh.
I do so too, like everyday since that night. It was just surprising for a sec, not even unacceptable. We just knew it's gonna happen, I just didn't expect it so soon.
I try to take it like how I should and how everyone else did. It's how it should be, anyhow, it's not a bad thing. It's not that I'm specially loving too, I'm just specially attached to her that's all.
How can I not though?
She's the woman who raised me with my mother and godmother, who fed me, tie my shoelaces, put on my clothes, treat me like a little princess since I was born.
She's the woman who let me in when my dad kicked me out cause I did something bad and keep buying me fake jade bracelet even though I keep breaking them. I felt bad every time I accidentally broke the bracelet, as it's from her. I remember clearly that feeling of guilt, cause I knew she walks to market every morning, not just to buy me that bracelet only but anyhow she thought of me when she saw that tiny bracelet for kids, and she bought it, hoping I will like it and look good in it. I remember telling her , "ah ma, lu koi, nang cheng siang kaun eh chiu huang! hehe" it means, "hey granny, look, we are wearing the same kind of bracelet!" she smiles and say yeah, so you have to take care of it and don't break it~ *PIANG* next second only....
She never scolded me for that, just keep buying me new ones.
I truly loves her and truly miss her. I try to stop crying now.
ahh...took me long enough to finish this one post.
You have to understand, it's not easy for me. Talking about those awesome memories, stuff, she gave me, talking about just her, it's not easy now that she's gone.
My granny, a woman who appears in most my childhood memories. I love her.
our last picture together ♥
ah ma, remember you kissed me?
see how you hold my hands?
I'm constantly missing you. How are you over there? They say if I cry it will not bring peace to your mind, I don't believe so. You know I'm not sad, I just miss you. You know I want the best for you and you will get it. But I will stop crying cause I know you will worry. Don't please. Ah ma, lu beh sai guai wa ma, wa xio lu nih ♥