Heartbroken

I couldn't stop my tears whenever I watch the video, saw a picture or hear the news.
It's simply heart-wrenching to be even think about it.
I can't help it, I don't know any of those people, yet, it hurts.
I can't get over it, I can't feel better.
Can you imagine being part of the victim's family?
I can't even get over it how do they?
It's Christmas is 10 days.
They set up the tree and got all the presents ready to give out, but some will not be accepted now.
It really breaks my heart.
Children, adults, with past but more future. Went to school or work one day and never came home.

I don't know what to say.
Should I curse the killer? Should I swear at him? As if it matter?
Should I say something consoling to the family? encouragement? I don't know.
Nothing is going to help, at all.

I really don't think going to hell, burn in fire is gonna be enough as a punishment for the killer.
He did not just kill some people.
27 might not be a big number, but 27 families torn apart is not a small matter. It's 27 families when one is already too much.

I just couldn't calm down.
It not easy for me, and totally ridiculous for that dad and that mummy.
It must not be real. How can it be?

Just hug them, and cry with them.
It's not gonna hurt less, it's not gonna go away.
It's not okay.
It's really not.
But hopefully through time, we can learn to simply miss instead of being sad.
Cause those who went away, wouldn't wanna see their loves one being sad too.
So let's try k?

It's okay to not be okay.

that's all i have to say

Isn't it simple?

3!

so grateful about the fact that Yong kor is going to RT
so proud about him
he is willing to spend that amount of money
i sincerely hope the reason is daddy and mummy
i know it wouldn't be me
cause i never was a good example
but it's not what i care
i'm not the kind of people you adults could understand lol

in fact, if anyone would ask
i will tell you RT is the best

bao said i'm bubbly
i'm not like this because i'm too blissful
i am because i know i AM blissful
RT that helped me went through lots of parts of my life
when i cried whole night thinking about what to do
one thing from it lighten me
that's why every time i read people's article i break down into tears
cause it's too touching
how everyone is getting better
that's why whenever i look through my notes goosebumps came alive
and i feel peaceful
cause it calms me
letting me know there will always be a way

mum and dad change so much
that i could say it wasn't like what anyone could imagine
cause the kid themselves will be the only one that knows best
i wouldn't be in a life like this if none of us went to RT
i wouldn't be such a crier if i hadn't been to RT
cause it hurts me so much
looking at people
and knowing they are going to rot like an apple
especially when i understand better after going to RT
about how messed up they are
and how i didn't help out in time
it hurts looking at myself
knowing what a pile of bullshit i am
but i'm still not doing anything
it drives me crazy
and it touches me
looking at people
knowing what changes they've been through
knowing how hard it is
knowing the effort
it moves me

one thing RT did to me
is taught me to accept the fact
that i'm messed up
that i need help
that what my mum and dad said about me is true
to think straight
to not seek excuse
at least not to myself
never lie to myself cause that's pathetic
and that blindfold me
and i'll be screwed
and I know how to seek for motivation and help
like i know i need to

it's what makes me lucky
and makes my life so good
so blissful that i'm sure the world will be jealous
the fact is i'm only this blissful
because i know i am
i can tell you so many things about my life
that is ungrateful and bad
but i can tell you none of them makes me not blissful
because i don't think so
i don't want it to be so
simple as that.



it's such a great day isn't it?
so many good things just happen
i went shopping today
and it happen to be the greatest sale in Stiches
damn everything under $10
why would i care if there isn't my size?
i will just buy a size 3 and go on diet
i am not kidding
i bought like 4 pairs of jeans
and a pair of heels
and scarfs and 2 shirts
all for only under $65
tell me you CAN resist, come on, SAVE IT!!
i bought all these size 3 jeans which i know i can't fit
but i'm not kidding i'm working my ass off
i don't care from now on
i'm starting my hardcore work out

my new goal
size 3!